Dear Ana, how can I become more confident?

Confidence - the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust, the state of feeling certain about the truth of something, and self-assurance. There are so many definitions and so many ways in which confidence can be used. Are you confident in your work, in your life, in yourself? Let me tell you a story. 

When I was in 6th grade I had the coolest group of girl friends. During our lunch break we would go to a little tree far back in our elementary's field. We would sit down and talk about things like boys and The Pussycat Dolls latest CD. It was great. During one of these day I decided to go to the restroom before the bell rang to head back to class. As I was walking across the field and back to the blacktop I encountered a boy, around my age, who had asked me to throw the soccer ball that was heading my direction. I didn't pay much attention to him because I was in a hurry.  I've always been the kind person that likes to be on time and I wasn't going to change that for a boy who could clearly run and get the ball himself. As I continued walking away I heard the same boy yell, "Okay fatass!"  Up to that day I had never encountered any type of harassment or judgment on the way that I looked. This was the first time and I was in complete shock. I am also the type of person who stands up for myself and what I believe in but when that happened nothing came out of my mouth. I felt horrible and I only felt worse because for a moment I believed what he said was true. As I looked at him in silence I quickly turned away to continue walking and as I did I heard someone else reply, "At least she has something to show!" I was in such a hurry I didn't realize that my friend Cindy was walking behind me. Even if it was just a statement, she stood up for me when I couldn't stand up for myself. She then grabbed the soccer ball and threw it at the opposite direction and farther from the boy. At that time the boy didn't have anything to say. 

I don't remember much about those days but I do remember that day so vividly. Before that day I had never once thought of myself as a "fatass" and in those seconds I did. But it was right away that someone reassured me that I wasn't. What I am trying to say is that confidence is within you. It is something you contain. It is something you encompass. It is something you have in yourself and sometimes that something is hard to find, even if for a couple of seconds or longer. I want to be your Cindy. I want to reassure you that the confidence you are looking for is there. I want to remind you when you forget or when your confidence is tested. I want you to picture yourself walking away as a badass from that something that makes you believe you are anything but beautiful and powerful and strong. 

During those days of frustration, of feeling unconfident in yourself, your work, or your life, remember that everything is temporary and that the anger you feel will be over soon. If going out and spoiling yourself makes you feel better, do that. If staying in and watching an entire series of Netflix makes you feel better, do that. Do what makes you happy. I know so many times we worry about what others have to say and it only gets more difficult as society grows, but no one will love you more than you love you & remember that I am your Cindy. I am certain you are one bold beautiful badass.  


"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually, who are you not to be?" 

-  Marianne Williamson 

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