This will be harder to understand by some and easier to understand by others and that is okay.
I am honestly writing this with a heavy heart. I have been lying in bed, staring at the ceiling, trying to figure out why I am so heartbroken over the decision a member of a boy band made. Quite frankly, I am more heartbroken than I have been before and to say the least, I have gone through my share of heartbreaks. I was heartbroken when my first relationship ended. I was heartbroken when I left my house and moved away, and I have been heartbroken over the various times I've disappointed myself. I have felt heartbreak but somehow, for some reason, this one hurts a little bit more.
I am twenty something years old and older than half of One Direction's “fandom” and so I thought a decision like this would only shock me but it did the opposite. Since I am older, I was better able to adapt and grow in loving this band of five while also loving them individually. I'd like to stress that I, in no way, know them personally but I love what I know and that is enough.
Through this band I've been able to meet so many friends. Can you believe that? More than half of the relationships I have with people now were formed through this band. Whether I met them in person, during a concert or online, these are the people I care for the most. We share a bond that was constructed under the love of a band and that is incredibly beautiful. It's been amazing watching these friendships unfold and grow, as did the band. These relationships and love grew over four years and I am certain will continue to grow regardless of the fact that the band is not the same.
In normality with bands like this, we tend to have our favorite. My favorite happened to be the one that left (as if Nick leaving the Jonas Brothers wasn't enough). Zayn is an amazing person. As I stressed before, these are assumptions I have based on what I know and I know only a little. Zayn is kindhearted and carries such a beautiful soul. He wears his heart on his sleeve and that is something we were reminded of the most. He is also human, despite the fact that in the media. When he left the On The Road Again tour due to stress, this was a reminder of just that. I am proud of Zayn for doing what he did [leaving] and knowing what to do to take care of himself. Many of us are not fortunate enough to know this feeling.
Due to the fact that this individual brought so much happiness to my life, I am sad. I am sad that I will never experience the emotions I felt while I waited for him and the others to go on stage. I will never experience the joy that overran my body when he sung and though I will feel sadness, it will not be because he is leaving the stage I was so eagerly waiting to see him on.
The biggest pain that his leaving brings me is the realization that it is time to grow up. Of course growing up is something that is inevitable and that was going to happen whether Zayn stayed in One Direction or not. This band is the last thread attaching me to my adolescence. The stings that contained my obsession for the Jonas Brothers, my high school love, and my home have all been cut away.
I am sad and I am happy. Of course I'll continue loving One Direction. They are honestly the best part of my growing up. I am so fortune to have felt everything that this band made me feel. I only hope every single one of you get to experience the type of happiness that this band has inflicted on me.
To Zayn Malik: thank you so much for everything you have done and everything you have given. The job you carried for over four years is a job millions hope for but only a few get to experience. For you, it became too much and that is okay. The impact you left on the lives of millions (and I honestly mean millions) is absolutely amazing. You are amazing. I am so excited for your future. Honestly, thank you. I love you so much.
To Liam, Louis, Harry, and Niall: I love you and I cannot wait to see what you have in store for us. See you in San Diego. I am so excited!
To everyone who is laughing at the pains of millions: bye.