What on your body is hurting or bothering you?
I've always had a love hate relationship with my body. If I could describe it with a Facebook relationship status it would definitely be it's complicated but it's okay. There are always going to be things about my body that I don't like or wish to change but through time, I'll learn to accept them, like I have about many other things in life. Being confident isn't always easy but during those days of frustration, of feeling unconfident in yourself, your work, your life, or your body remember that everything is temporary and that the anger you feel will be over soon. If going out and spoiling yourself makes you feel better, do that. If staying in and watching an entire series of Netflix makes you feel better, do that. Do what makes you happy. I know so many times we worry about what others have to say and it only gets more difficult, but no one will love you more than you love you.
What are you listening to?
I'm currently sitting on my couch in my apartment downstairs and listening to I Was Wrong by A R I Z O N A, which is actually an artist that I found through my Discover Weekly playlist provided by Spotify. Every Monday Spotify puts together a playlist of songs they think I'd like and they always get it right. Always. After every Monday, the songs from the past week get deleted and replaced by new songs so before they disappear I make sure to save the songs I like and listen to them again. It is honestly one of my favorite things.
What’s something you’re not looking forward to?
Graduating. Isn't that insane? Graduating from college is something I've been waiting to happen for the past four years but now that I'm 6 weeks away from actually being done, I'm dreading it. It's all just hit me now. I'm most afraid of the inevitable and the unexpected. I've been doing the same thing for the past four years and essentially for the past sixteen years. The routine has always been school but now that I'm about to be done and won't be pursuing graduate school until I'm certain it's what I want to do, the not knowing is terrifying. I'm scared, honestly.
Where do you think your best friend is right now?
She's asleep but I can tell you that she will probably get up in the morning and head to Starbucks for a venti iced coffee with classic sweetener and half and half. Maybe white mocha if she wants to splurge. You can follow her here. Her Twitter header is pretty cool too.
Have you kissed anybody in the last five days?
Yes; my parents and my sister when I said goodbye and headed back to my apartment.
Is there one person you want to be with right now?
Not a person but a place. Deeply wishing I was in London.
Ever liked someone you thought you didn’t stand a chance with?
I loved my best friend in high school for like a thousand years and nothing ever happened (but heartbreak). I'm sure that counts.
Are you slowly drifting away from someone?
This is something I've experienced several times during my lifetime and it sucks. I didn't realize until recently that it is something I have been avoiding, especially now because I've seen and experienced how much it sucks. I've drifted away from good friends before and I wish I hadn't because I often wonder about them. There is always this sense of 'what if' with their friendships. What if we still talked? What if we were still friends today? It sucks and I want for this not to happen with the close friends I have now - so badly.
I'm also aware that drifting happens naturally and there are times you cannot avoid it.
Can you do the alphabet in sign language?
I can't. I have learned to say 'I love you' in sign language though. My cousin-in-law's little sister taught me. It's one of the best things I've learned.
You receive £60 without any reason, what do you spend it on?
On something in London, I would hope, since it's pounds.
I would spend it on iced coffee probably.
What is wrong with you right now?
I have four midterms and a paper due next week and I'm currently sitting on my bed, listening to music, and not doing what I'm supposed to be doing to ace those exams.
Would you rather have Starbucks or Jamba Juice right now?
*types this as I drink Starbucks*
Why aren’t you in ‘love’ with your last ex anymore?
I don't think I ever loved my ex and that's the reason we aren't together. My last relationship was so long ago and I was so young. It was a weird relationship. He was so kind to me and I wasn't ready; not for the kindness but for the commitment. If I could go back, I would do things differently but isn't that what we wish for with everything anyways?
How late did you stay up last night and why?
I fell asleep around 2 AM. I spent all day on campus, going to classes, reading, and finishing assignments so when I came back to my apartment I decided to stay up watching Law & Order: SVU. I kept telling myself I would fall asleep after an episode ended but you can never get quite enough and so I kept watching.. and watching.. and watching.
When was the last time you talked to one of your best friends?
About an hour ago.
What were you doing an hour ago?
Talking to my best friend.
What are you looking forward to in the next month?
March is going to be fun. Ed Sheeran is releasing an album. I'm also graduating (AHHHHH).
Are you wearing jeans right now?
Oh God no. #leggings4eva
Are you a patient person?
I want to be but I'm not. I'm patient when I have to be but if I could choose whether to be patient or not, it's always a no. I hate waiting.
Do you think you can last in a relationship for three months?
I think I could but I haven't.
A peachy mauve.
Do you like meeting new people?
Yes. I absolutely love it. It's crazy to know that there are so many people in this world that I don't know and so many of them are kind and I want to meet them all.
I studied abroad in London this past fall in a program full of students from different college campuses across California. Through this program I met some of the greatest people I know now and many of them were in the same campus as me but I met them for the first time in London. Isn't that insane? Here we were, for the past four years in the same proximity as one another and we didn't know.
Imagine how many amazing people there are in the world that I don't know and that are most likely wonderful. I want to know them all.
Are you afraid of falling in love?
I had a conversation about this with a good friend. We sat in a coffeeshop somewhere in central London and went on and on about love and how scary it can be and how difficult.
I've been single for so long now, to be quite honest and not by choice, it just hasn't happened. I blamed myself for a long time. Is it because of my appearance or my attitude? Am I not good enough for a boy? The thought of maybe never falling in love made me want to be comfortable with loneliness, just in case it actually never happened. But it was never me. I was being dramatic. Typical.
I'm still so young and I'm learning about myself and what I want everyday. Things will happen when they will.. including boys + love.
Has anyone ever told you that you have pretty eyes?
Yes. It's one of my favorite things.
Have you ever felt like you weren’t good enough?